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<title>now you’re gone (and i don’t know how to cope) by ignaIoser</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664499">now you’re gone (and i don’t know how to cope)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignaIoser/pseuds/ignaIoser'>ignaIoser</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legacies (TV 2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, SAD AS SHIT, Tissues, i feel bad, im sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 04:28:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,191</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28664499</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ignaIoser/pseuds/ignaIoser</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hope deals with herself after her love leaves her<br/>I suck at summaries i’m sorry</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hope Mikaelson &amp; Josie Saltzman, Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>now you’re gone (and i don’t know how to cope)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>“ just thought of a really heart wrenching hosie fic now i gotta write it idc if its 5am” is what i wrote on twitter at 4:57am.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Silence. It was always silence when she went there. The only sound was the wind whistling through the slight crack in the window, the one she rolled down slightly to let to warm summer breeze filter through. </p><p>She knew the journey off the back of her hand. She couldn’t remember a time where she had forgotten where she was going. It was like muscle memory, she could recite it in her sleep. </p><p>But there was always this feeling, a feeling in the pit of her stomach. She loved to go see her, to see her love, but she also hated it. </p><p>She hated sitting on the muddy floor. She hated the lack of privacy. But she loved the intimacy, if you will. </p><p>When she’s there, she blocks out everyone around them, like it’s just her and her love against the world. </p><p>That’s what they were, I suppose. They were each other’s life lines. Their safe place. Their heartbeat. Until one day, they weren’t. </p><p>She knew it was coming, that it was inevitable. Unavoidable. Part of her didn’t want to believe it, just savouring the moments they had left together. </p><p>She even let herself think about their future, often day dreaming about their wedding, picturing little arguments about silly things in her head, thinking about how many kids they were going to have with each other. Now though, come to think of it, she hated that she gave herself hope. Hope that they’d get through this. </p><p>Caroline worked tirelessly for two whole decades, eventually giving up two days before their birthday. There were no promising leads left. All ones she came close to, eventually fizzled out into dead ends. She really was at a loss. </p><p>Hope’s heart sunk. Sunk into the bottom of her stomach, and made itself home there, although unwanted. </p><p>She pulled into her favourite spot, the one closest to her love, and unbuckled her seatbelt. </p><p>It hadn’t been the first time seeing her since the day, but she didn’t visit too often. Just often enough that her heart was filled with the immense love, although now it was one sided. </p><p>She didn’t believe that she wasn’t loved by her anymore, she couldn’t believe that. Because if she did, it meant that she would have to move on, sooner or later. She didn’t want to, but she knew one day she would. Did she dread that day? She couldn’t tell. </p><p>She grabbed her things out of the trunk, and headed towards her love. </p><p>She laid the blanket down, and made herself comfortable. </p><p>“Hey, Jo,” she said. She chuckled into the silence that followed. </p><p>“I miss you,” she said, with a little more conviction. “Fuck, I miss you so much.”</p><p>“Why do you have to be so selfless?” she spat, as if the words were acid on her tongue. “God, what am I saying? That was the thing I loved most about you. Along with your heart. It was big enough to love many, and you did,” Hope smiled at the many memories the two shared. The memories of the soft glances, loving touches, and the intimacy they both shared. “But why you?”</p><p>“Do you remember that day? When your mom came home, you guys were so excited to see her. But I knew, I knew she didn’t have good news, call it a gut feeling or whatever. But do you know what surprises me? That I let myself have that little bit of hope. I hate myself for it.” Hope looked down, and traced over her name lightly with her index finger. </p><p>“I knew what was coming. I wish I spent those last two days holding you. But I couldn’t, you had a family. You had your dad, your mom, Lizzie. You had to say goodbye to them all. You wouldn’t admit it, but they’re more important to you than I am. And that’s okay. They’re your family, and you should never have to apologise for that. I just wish there was a way out of it.” </p><p>“I wish I knew there wasn’t a way out. There’s so much we haven’t done yet. So many things we hadn’t even discussed yet. God, I want to marry you so bad. But we can’t.”</p><p>She sat in silence for a while, she let herself revel in it. She reached into her bag and pulled out her sketch pad. After all these years, she kept the hobby up, and became quite skilled in the subject. </p><p>She thought about pursuing a career in it, because Josie wanted her to, but she never got chance to look further into it. </p><p>She began to finish off where she last started the last time she visited. She let her pencil glide over the page freely, memorising all the dimples in her face. </p><p>A couple minutes passed, and she spoke up again. “Lizzie isn’t doing good, you know. She’s struggling, far more than she’s letting on. I think she blames you, or at least she did for a while. She isn’t handling it well. She’s sorry she hasn’t visited you,” Hope chuckled. “I see her in you, you know. And it brings me comfort. She’s changed. She’s more empathetic, a characteristic she got from you, I think. I see you now in her smile. I didn’t think she could change, feature wise, but she has.”</p><p>“Would you be mad?” Hope asked, to the now cold summer air. “Would you be mad if I moved on? I don’t want to, not yet anyway. How do you forget your first love?”</p><p>“I think that the first love always manages to stick around in some way. The feelings you felt, they’ll never truly fade. But it doesn’t mean you’re not over them. It just means your heart remembers the way you once loved.”</p><p>“I miss you. I wanted to marry you. I wanted to have a future with you. Honestly, my future seems dull without you.”</p><p>“I go home to our house every night with an emptiness inside me. I-“ she stops to laugh. “I still look at the half empty jar of peanut butter, and I can’t bring myself to throw it out. I hate the stuff, god I hate it so much, but you, you love it.”</p><p>“I still haven’t slept in our bedroom. I cant bring myself to mess up the bed. It’s still the way you left it. With your side half made, and mine not. I go in there to get clothes. I sleep on our couch. With your pillow, because I can’t get enough of the raspberry shampoo that fills my senses.”</p><p>“I just miss you. That’s it.”</p><p>One day, Hope knows she’ll get past this pain in her heart. The Josie will remain as nothing but good memories and laughter in her mind. For now, though, she will allow herself this heart break. This heart break of losing the only thing that mattered to her. </p><p>She began to pack away her things, when a little box fell out of her backpack. She laughed to herself. </p><p>Still, she got down, lightly grazed over the side of the marble stone. </p><p>“Josette Lucas, will you marry me?”</p>
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